Lord, you’ve just put Michael in my life. Please don’t take him away. He is my security.
I wrestled over this for months, leaving the evidence of wet pillowcases behind.
Through this inner fight, I continued to pray for wisdom. Jesus died so that I could be filled with the Spirit. He died so that I could have an intimate relationship with Him. He hears me. And the Spirit led me to the wisdom of His Word.
I had been reading through 2 Corinthians, and God had been working on my heart day by day, convicting me, encouraging me. When I came to 2 Corinthians 4:18, He both convicted and encouraged me about the matter I had been struggling over in my heart.
While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
That day, in my prayer journal, I was finally able to write this prayer:
Lord, my focus has been off. My focus has been on what is seen. If I am focused on and living for those things, then I do have much to fear, because I will lose them. But if I live for You, I will not struggle in vain. You are eternal. Let me struggle for You, not the world. You have given me good things on earth. You have given me a wonderful husband. However, I am not to worship the gift, but the Giver.
Confession is freeing.
Michael is the single most important person in my life, but he is not eternal. And he is not my security. Only Christ Jesus is my security.
And I could not have rest from the wrestling in my heart until my wrong thinking and God’s truth were revealed to me. God opened my eyes and brought me comfort, because He is my eternal security.